Rambling on….

about anything under the Sun!

Facebook to Face-the-Book?

We are proud of our roads in India and of how chaos rules those roads. As an ardent believer in gross generalization of anything and everything, I put Indian road users into three broad categories: Those that honestly don’t know or believe that road rules exist in the country, those that know that rules exist but believe they are meant for the Others and finally the Rest, or as I like to refer to this last group, the Idiots. (And yes, I count myself in that group)

In an ideal world, here is what an Indian driving license test would look like if it were to reflect the skills that one needs to survive here:

Please answer Yes/No to the questions below. Can you:

1. Go hurtling down the wrong side of a one-way street with no hesitation, concern or guilt?

2. Drive right through a traffic light that is clearly blazing red, with scant regard for other vehicles crossing the intersection?

3. Halt for the light in what is quite clearly a Left-only lane and block traffic when you intend to go straight? Of course, you should only do this when you know there is a cop waiting on the other side to catch you jumping the light as in #2 above, right?
(Hint: 2 points if you answer Yes to both questions)

4. Brake suddenly while driving on the left lane in rush-hour traffic, make what looks like a natural right turn right through flowing traffic and deftly execute a U-turn maneuver because you realized you should be heading the other way? And 1 bonus point if you manage to do this while still staying upright.

5. Park your vehicle in the geometric center of a No Parking zone blocking at least one lane of traffic behind you?

6. Honk really, really loudly for no apparent reason, and with no real purpose? The intent should be to simply convey that the light is Red, traffic is stopped and you are not happy.

7. Do your best to block an ambulance with wailing sirens from passing through, thereby helping to contain our country’s growing population?

8. Weave a complex helical pattern within a span of 25 ft on a crowded street with at least 3 completely needless lane changes? Yes, in case you are wondering, this replaces the infamous “Can you weave a number 8?” part of the Driving test. I had always wondered why they make you do that, now after driving in Bangalore, I know better.

9. Insist that you will only drive with the high-beam lights on even on a well-lit highway so you can successfully blind every vehicle that’s coming in the opposite direction?

Every question that you answered with a Yes fetches you 1 point. If you manage to score at least 3 out of 9, you are eligible to appear for the driving test and prove your mettle at the wheel. Score over 5, and the driving test is waived and your license granted. You clearly have far too much skill that is going waste every minute you are not on the road and driving. And if you scored less than 3, please go get yourself a bus pass, you are clearly not qualified to drive your own vehicle.

Yeah, that sadly is the state of affairs – road rules and etiquette have indeed become a joke as we so passionately embrace Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest theory on the streets of Bangalore. Thankfully, there was always hope – there are folks that religiously follow these rules and try to set an example. Yes, they are very much in the minority and easily look like the fools that don’t know better . And as someone that belongs in that group, I have always been super frustrated. I am at a huge disadvantage simply because I take the high road, pun intended? And it irked me no end that there was seemingly nothing one could do to counter – the only option to fight the battle seemed to be stoop down to those same deplorable levels. Until now that is…Our good friend, Mark Zuckerberg and his pals @ Facebook are giving us a break? New Delhi’s finest might have found us just the weapon we need, taking advantage of Facebook and the explosive growth of camera phones in India to give us a fighting chance.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start your engines, whip your cameras out and start shooting! I only ask that you stick to capturing just traffic violations and do so without putting yourself at risk on the street, and without holding up traffic yourself 🙂

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4 responses to “Facebook to Face-the-Book?

  1. rads August 9, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    heh, neat idea, except that there is a good chance this could mimic a Rediff comment-venom propagating space if not watched carefully. Social media has its perks most definitely and it’s almost always the user who decides how to use it.

  2. kabini August 10, 2010 at 1:53 am

    Yeah Rads, I agree – there is already a cry of protest from some quarters here calling out the exact same concerns that you bring up. I guess weapons are good, as long as they are used with caution. I am hoping this serves more as a deterrent than anything else, but maybe that’s wishful thinking.

  3. Pingback: Cravings! « Rambling on….

  4. S.R.Ayyangar September 12, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    When you come home late at night keep honking till somebody gets up and opens the gate for you. Do not take trouble of getting out of the car for doing so.

    Also, use reverse gear horn often because people have become immune to the sound!

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